I have been going through quite the transition in my Christian faith! I grew up in a strong Christian household, served passionately at my former church, and never would've thought in a million years that I would drift away from God at any point in my life. But I did. I always heard about an exaggerated statistic that young believers stop attending church once they go off to college. Even though I found a new church and a new family of believers once I moved to Boston for school, that quickly came to an end my sophomore year. It was a season of my life where I questioned everything, especially my faith in God and Christianity as a religion. I have to admit, the times when I was distant from God were the times where I felt most alone in my life. My years in college tested my faith in the most extreme ways, especially after living in and experiencing a third-world country for 4 months. While living and working in South Africa, I couldn't believe how unfair life was. How could it be possible that just within 20 miles, there could be such a huge economic gap between the same children of God? I would literally drive from a beautiful modern apartment building to a run-down area called townships, which are very similar to slums that we will find in India. I would start to feel bad and want to help the people in the townships, but then I had a huge epiphany after spending a day in the townships. The people who lived in the townships and who I perceived to be "poor" were in fact, richer than anyone else I ever met in my life. They genuinely loved living their lives, no matter their circumstances, and they had some of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen! They taught me how to appreciate life and that what is written in the Bible about not being able to serve two masters is so true ("No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." -Matthew 6:24).
Fast forward a few more years of questioning, testing of my faith, and doubting God. By the time I went on a winter retreat with Hanbit at the end of last year, my heart was really calloused, and my faith was at a bit of a standstill. I had no motivation to get to know God because I questioned if I even knew Him in the first place. But God is so good because He used the winter retreat to soften my heart and to woo me back to having Him as my first love. I met God on a personal level, I witnessed and experienced miraculous healings, God spoke to me directly through people with the gift of prophecy, and by the end of it, there was no denying that God was real and that He loved me unconditionally.
Which brings me to why I'm going to India! As Jennie also mentioned in the previous entry, I just want to be obedient... because I know it will please Him. Originally, I wasn't even considering going to India when EJ announced it at church, but I felt a personal calling to it shortly after. After speaking to both EJ and my mom, I knew I just had to make a leap of faith, despite my worries of finances and inadequacy. There was even a moment at IHOP (International House of Prayer) when I was being prophesied over, that was a sure sign for me to go. The girl was saying that she saw an image of me holding the hands of orphans and widows and said that I have a heart for them. She gave me this verse: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless as this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." -James 1:27. And fittingly enough, it turns out orphans and women are who we want to minister to in India!
I believe by being obedient to God's plans for me will not only bring Him more glory, but it will create more room in my heart to get to know Him more intimately. After attending short-term mission trips in high school, I have learned that insecurities will shatter in the second that God calls and needs us most because He is a never-ending source of strength and confidence. I'm excited to share the love of Christ to those that don't know Him yet, especially to the orphans. I hope they feel their worth and know that they are loved and cherished, fully adopted by Christ. And I'm so excited to see how God will use myself and the rest of my team members in our moments of weakness and insecurity because that is when He will be most glorified!
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declared the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" -Jeremiah 29:11
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